family.

i was studying for my final exam just now, based on my sociology module. and one of the topic is about family. actually, it leads to questions myself here and there. so, i thought that i wanna shared with you what i've studied just now. and at the same time, leads to some general knowledge to most of you. at least, it's part of learning too coz i tend to recall back what i've studied. haha.

3 questions to ask yourself. what is family? what is ought to be a family? and what does the family does?

different people have different ideology of what they want in their family. who consist of their family members. what is the role of the family members and etc. even like me. i have my own basic concept of my family. married & kids. but do you know that in some other countries, they don't really practice like a norm in here. i mean some countries does not practice that husbands & wives stay together after married. instead the wives will be staying together with their siblings & parents together bringing up the kids. and actually, it's more complicated if you notice.

right now. in singapore concept. there is quite a change in family structure & concepts. let me introduce one after another.

1. sandwich generation: where you stay together with your parents & kids. in which where you have to take care both your kids & your parents at the same time. limitations may occur of course. but it depends on how you settle your situation problems at time. so, do you mind doing through this state in your future family?

for me? i don't really particular about this coz afterall it's my responsibility to take care of my parents. doesn't matter whether it's my biological parents or in-laws. even if one day i were to get married, and my husband want me to stay together with him & his mum, i don't find it a nuisance. although, you know people keeps on saying that daughters will never click with their in-laws especially. haha. but this stereotyping has to be change. afterall, his mum is still my mum. ceh. haha.

2. nuclear family: younger generations tend to settle their own family themselves. after getting married, they went out of their parents home. some still try to stay as near & close as possible. as at 2000, do you know that 82% of us are actually settled ourselves as nuclear family.

well, it's not wrong either. from what i think, as long as you keep in touch with your parents, siblings & relatives, it won't really matters. in singapore, how far is far anyway right? the furthest distance from one point to another in singapore is only 30 miles. and we have wonderful public transport infrastructure as well. so, don't have to worry. haha. i mean, you can make to a point that weekends you will drop by your parents home. they will be glad for sure. hehe.

3. marriage (another topic in which discuss during lecture): at once, you married for love & romance. but it's actually more than that. that's when you start to consider your bills & household chores, etc. and because of this limitation, most people outside is still single. due to many reasons of course.

one point that my lecturer made was that male tend to get married to someone who is lower their education level. is that still particular in this context? means, if i'm now a degree holder, my husband has to be phd or master at least? gosh! no way. i mean, i don't believe such thing. afterall, despite whatever education level i posses, i'm still his wife. you know what i mean. i can be someone of higher rank at my work place. but once i'm home, i have my responsibilities to carry out to him, his parents (if any) and our kids. and he is still the leader of the family.

talking about responsibilities. will joint responsibilities exist in this world? where husbands does not compare roles of husbands & wives. such as washing dishes & clothes, sweeping the floor, changing nappins of the kids are actually wives' responsibilities. in my opinion, there is no boundary. it should be joint responsibility. together we do household roles hand in hand. not necessarily women have to do all the work at home right. that's when the 2nd shift occur. where women already work hard in the office and yet to continue working hard settling household chores. but on the other hand, husbands also work hard in the office but shake legs when reach home. i mean i don't mind that but not everyday! we have to work on together. is there gender inequality? haha. this question always repeat during lecture. anyway, i think it brings on stronger bonds between me & my husband if we do things together. quality time include as well. haha.

4. children: are they assets or liabilities? even now, there is so called known as weekend parents. in which their kids will be send to their parents home instead. or maybe to some other maid, nanny. so, you only take care of your kids or even see your kids during the weekends. in the end, you tend to get closer to those people who take care of your kids instead. or your kids tend to be more closer to the person who take care of them rather than their own parents. somehow it has to be compromise. seriously.

so, what actually family to you? throw away marriage thingy. coz at this point of time, family means our parents & siblings. including our grandparents. but once you get married, everything will change. a son who get married will then start to be stuck between two parties - the wife & the parents, etc. it should be more of equality. i know it's easy to talk about but yet hard to tackle when in real life. haha. we shall see.

oh ya. sharing you one article that my lecturer projected that during lectures. where parents are getting worried when their kids remains singles. and i know my baby too faced this problem. everytime he go back kampung, his relatives will keep on asking when he will get married. haha. well, back to the article, they tend to help to look out for partners for their children. and last time, according to the article in 2006, as long as you are below 31, you can be reconsidered for my daughter/son. coz they said after you reached 31, nobody wants you. hahaha. you know what? i laughed to myself. who said that nobody wants a man/woman of that age. i'm still interested with my baby for sure. and insya-allah, if god permiss us to be together till the end of time, i do baby. *wink*

anyway, age doesn't matter as well to me. you know i know. gone through here and there. afterall, no point also having same age partner and yet you can't handle well with the relationship. at least i'm happy having my baby. and i appreciate having him in my life.

but those who stick to remain single, doesn't mean you don't have mutual support. coz you still have your siblings or even good friends. just like me too. i have good friends who never failed to shower me with their mutual support. =)